Why You Should Give A Damn!

Newsletter Archive

Newsletter #32, April, 2009

Fairness: Iowa Style!

by Davina Kotulski, Ph.D.

Fairness: Iowa Style!

The Inuit have 20 different words for snow, discerning the nuances of thickness and moisture. Iowans have only one word for fairness, but it seems there are levels of fairness that I, for one, never considered. Iowans seem to emulate a richer, deeper meaning for the word fairness. I think of fairness as cutting the sandwich or candy bar down the middle and you get your half and I get mine. Iowans, however, seem to view fairness as a moral issue, something sacred that must be protected. To be honest, the word fairness, never resonated with me that way, the concepts of justice, equality, and freedom, those words spoke to me, but the word fairness always seemed a little beige.

Iowa just before spring is rich in earth tones, a plethora of browns and crèmes, light greens, muted clay colors, chocolate rivers stirred up by flooding and filled with silt. Crop fields resting, the ground still thawing out, not yet ready for planting, a shocking contrast to the bursting colors of California this time of year. I found it grounding. Yes, the earth tones were a part of that, but it was also the salt of the earth characteristics of my hosts, Lynn Fallon and Ed Fallon, (a former Iowa State Representative and Gubernatorial candidate), who welcomed me into their home, introduced me to their chickens, their fellow Iowans, and the culture of Des Moines.

Ed and Lynn have an organization called I’m for Iowa, a partnership committed to civil rights and justice, progressive reform, and environmental protection. (www.IMforIOWA.com) Ed and Lynn, coupled with Phyllis and Marla Stevens of Marriage Equality USA-Central Iowa Chapter, invited and hosted my visit to Des Moines. My mission—to talk about the shortcomings of the “official” Prop 8 campaign and the messaging and strategies that were not utilized in California that can help Iowa prepare for and prevent a constitutional amendment. I was thrilled that my hosts were taking a pro-active stance by inviting me and several other leaders in the marriage equality movement to Iowa to share our collective wisdom and so we could support the great work already happening in Iowa.

My first stop was meeting with One Iowa, the statewide LGBT group, and Iowa Marriage Equality Community Educator from Lambda Legal, Matt Fender. The One Iowa staff (Carolyn Jenison, Brad Clark, Justin Uebelhor, Ryan Crane and others) are working to educate fellow Iowans about the need for equal marriage rights. They have created a moving project called Our Story, a video of same-sex couples, their families, and straight allies, including religious leaders, talking about why marriage equality is important to creating a fair Iowa. The second night I was in town, they had an event in downtown Des Moines at the Ritual Café, where same-sex couples and parents of LGBT kids shared their personal stories and family values of love, acceptance, and equality with their elected officials. The evening was very inspiring and emotional! Hard to hold back tears when straight parents talk about how much they love their gay kids for who they are. You just can’t get enough of that!!!

After my meeting with One Iowa, I had the privilege of meeting with Marriage Equality USA Central Iowa’s Chapter Leader Phyllis Stevens and Sandy Volpalka, Executive Director of the Iowa LGBT Aging Network. We discussed the importance of including grassroots activists and volunteers in public education efforts and official campaigns and enjoyed a delicious pizza. I must add that the food in Des Moines was incredible. While Ed said that downtown Des Moines used to be called Dead Moines after 5:00 PM, it isn’t like that anymore. I found the restaurants and bars hopping and cuisine that rivaled some of the best California cuisine I’ve ever had. And for those of you who are coffee snobs like me, they have espresso and real cafes!

My first evening ended with a public talk and book signing at the Des Moines Library where I was asked a question I have never been asked before about marriage equality. It went something along the lines of “If straight men’s adult magazines are filled with images of two women does that mean it would be a winning strategy?” Okay, that is not exactly how it was asked, but something to that effect. As they say A for effort, but um, it may sell magazines, but not likely marriage equality.

After the library talk, we ambled down to the local billiard bar and shot pool and asked everyone who came over to say “hi”(and it was a lot of people because Ed Fallon knows everyone), what they thought about marriage equality. And that’s where I saw it, in those deep thoughtful eyes of each Iowan as they leaned on the counter and pondered what was being asked of them. “It’s only fair.” “Everyone should be treated equally.” “It’s not my business.” I was so grateful to my hosts, Ed, Lynn, and Phyllis, for their boldness and bravery to start a conversation and find common ground. I was not under any illusion that the people we asked were going to march in the streets with us, but we don’t need that, we just need the right to pursue our happiness and not be thwarted from our liberties. I slept well that night with visions of equality dancing in my head.

The next day I spoke with a diverse group of Iowans working collaboratively for marriage equality. Folks from Planned Parenthood, clergy, professors, a diversity trainer, activists, and Betti Torrier, the Project Coordinator for Faithful Voices, a project of Interfaith Alliance of Iowa and Action Fund. The Interfaith Alliance is committed to “protecting faith and freedom” and has co-created some fantastic resources bringing together “people of faith and goodwill creating marriage equality in Iowa.” Their message “Marriage Equality is a moral issue!” Check out www.faithfulvoices.org.

I spent the afternoon traveling to Drake University where I met with the Outlaws (Drake’s LGBT law student group) and ACLU student leader Laura Maring and then was off to Iowa State University where I met with 20 students and a few reporters and professors. We went around the room and everyone had a reason to support marriage equality. Straight allies wanted their friends and family members to have equal rights and LGBT students wanted to the same rights to marry and have a family. There was no opposition at any of these events.

The evening finale was a trip to a downtown Des Moines bar where I was the guest speaker at the Drinking Liberally meeting. Drinking Liberally is an informal, inclusive progressive social group where people drink and talk progressive politics with chapters across the country. This event was hosted by Amanda Mittlestadt, Will Riordan, Kelli Griffis, and Brandon Griffis. I had the bar count off in twos, gay and straight, (forgive me LBTIs), and asked them a series of questions like whether or not they had the right to file joint federal income taxes. If they said “yes” they could take a drink and if they didn’t, well, the reality of inequality is sobering.

You’ll be pleased to know that I did not go through all 1,138 federal rights before I mixed up the questions and asked about whether or not they would be denied the “marriage discount” on their car insurance. I didn’t want half a room full of drunken people and drinking liberally is also about drinking responsibly, but they got the drift that LGBTI people are denied several rights that heterosexuals have access too. And for those of you wondering, I was the designated question-asker and continue to be a proud tea totaler.

My quick trip had come to an end. I woke up the next morning, did a 20 minute radio interview with Michael Devine in Fort Dodge. Then I boarded the plane home. It was a whirlwind trip and I left just before the next snowstorm. On the plane, I felt grateful for the contributions I was able to make and the people I had a chance to meet who are working on making marriage equality a reality in Iowa.

Back home in the California sunshine, with the flowers blooming and the butterflies and hummingbirds flitting around like daytime fireworks, it’s hard to imagine what it would be like to survive such a long winter where crop fields are still frozen and trees still bare.

“We appreciate summer even more when it comes,” I can’t remember if it was Lynn or Ed who said it, but I imagine that’s how marriage equality is for all of us. We will appreciate it even more when it comes.

Iowa, you’re next!!!